The only way to heal it is to feel it...


We go through suffering daily… many times a day or perhaps we feel okay and do not feel like we are suffering but for those of us that are it is truly a deeply emotional time. Often, we may feel like we are losing ourselves, we struggle to see who we are or who we want to become and we struggle even to complete the simplest of tasks… the daily shopping routine becomes one of confusion and complexities that we never knew existed. Thoughts cloud our minds especially irrational ones, we imagine a future that is not in reality and we may feel anxious over this perceived sense of our life unfolding before us.

Have you ever felt like a wave has hit you and you're struggling to get back up? You feel almost washed out to sea and fear you'll never be able to return to shore. Thoughts reach your mind but no words to convey them and living day by day is not an option with the suffering you've endured. Those that have been through trauma in their lives will understand this unique feeling. The feeling of the trauma being locked heavily into your chest, it almost feels like you need to breathe the trauma out but you can feel it. It is stuck deeply inside your chest and stomach… almost crushing you.

There are unique types of trauma that change us forever… bereavement, relationship breakdowns and the direct fear of losing your life or someone close to you. The person you once was before your parent died, the person you once was before your marriage broke down and the person you once was before you witnessed the most awful scene. You were different before it happened and now you are a totally new person afterwards… you recognise the old you but this new you is wiser and the path is to either learn from the trauma or become trapped in the trauma.

We cannot eat our way out of suffering and trauma, exercise it out, avoid the suffering entirely or delay the trauma. However, we can learn to feel the trauma to fully process our thoughts, feelings and emotions on the experiences we have had. Maybe the trauma brings out a lot of other feelings from previous traumas and we relive all of these experiences over and over again… we remember that childhood friend that we lost years ago and our pet dog. Whilst feeling vulnerable is uncomfortable and we want to shake off the feeling, avoid it and close the chapter of vulnerability…. The only way to heal it is to feel it.

So, you begin to feel the suffering and trauma, you go over the events over and over again until they become less powerful each day and slowly you begin to find you. Life has changed you, you are different but stronger and wiser as each day passes. You've felt the trauma, analysed it and began to process it in your own way, in your own time and you find a new beginning… a rainbow at the end of a long journey of patience, kindness and acceptance. Resist the urge to resist these powerful and unsettling feelings because these are making us wiser and creating a beautiful path ahead of us.

I encourage readers to share their experiences here and reach out to us here.





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PLEASE NOTE: This is not a crisis resource and if you are in a crisis situation please call your local emergency services immediately.
International suicide hotlines can be found here: 


© 2020 by Lisa De Regt